Deciding on a Second Child by AGATA
This post is all about the pros and cons of deciding on a second child closely after your first!
Okay, so I am still on maternity leave with my first baby and I am thinking about the second baby. Yes, I thought it may be just a spot of baby fever but alas here we are making a pros and cons list of deciding on a second child closely after my first baby. The reasoning behind this is to give me some things to think about before we start trying and I hope that some of the things can also relate to you.
So, here are the 4 things that I thought about while trying to decide on a second baby that is close in age to my first, below I have listed the pros and cons of deciding on a second child closely after your first:
Your Children Being Close
Pros:
Okay, so without a doubt a major reason why I am even thinking about a close age gap is because me and my brother have around an 18-month age gap and we have been very close friends. So much so that I have been following him probably my entire life. I went to the same university as him (sorry about that). But, even now we are close and I really do believe that the small age gap has been important because it means up until now (me having a baby) we have pretty much been in the same stages of life.
Speaking to my mum and also parents who have either opted for or were blessed with children who have a close age gap, many of them have been saying the same. When the children are young they can go to the same clubs and enjoy the same company together which may make it a lot easier for you. And bonus, they can play together and entertain themselves as you go about your business (or so I am told).
But of course, it is not guaranteed that your children will be friends, it does come down to personality after all. But there is at least a bit of hope.
Cons:
Sibling rivalry is something that can happen regardless of the age gap. It is your responsibility as a parent to make sure you try to reduce this rivalry as much as possible.
If you think about your oldest or first baby, they have probably been the center of your attention and now they have to share you with someone else, this is hard to grasp at any age. Therefore, it is important that they do not feel that they are second best.
Remember! If you are having your second baby close in age to your first baby, they are also babies, they may not understand that the younger baby needs your attention because they cannot do anything for themselves yet and it could lead to rivalry for your attention which could mean crying more.
Your Career
Pros:
While having children close in age may mean that you may be a stay-at-home mum until you are ready to go back to work after your second child OR you go back for a bit before you have your second child. Whatever the option, having a close age gap may mean that you can go back to work after having your children and focus on your career.
For me, career progression is important, so having two children close in age will mean that I can give them undivided attention and focus on them during maternity leave, and then when I go back to work I can focus on my career progression and not be thinking of when I want to get pregnant again to try for a sibling. Don’t get me wrong, if we decide to have a third baby then I will definitely be thinking and planning when it is best for me to take maternity leave but for now, it seems easier.
Cons:
You will be taking a lot of time out which may mean that your career and progression are put on hold. You may find that your colleagues have progressed a lot while you are back where you left off. Just remember that this is okay! You are in a different stage, you were focused on your family and you have the time to catch up!!! It may feel like you are behind right now but you have time.
Your Finances
Pros:
You can save a little on daycare costs as you can stay with both children at home, and use the toys and things you used for your first child as you (hopefully) would not have given them away yet. You can reuse some if not most of the clothes. So you may not want to put your boy in pink clothes or dresses. There is nothing wrong with putting a boy in pink BTW. But, if you’ve had a girl first and now you get pregnant and have a baby boy then you might want to get some different clothes. It may be fun going shopping for new clothes but again you can reuse clothes.
You can hopefully save on toys or gadgets as chances are that the closer your children are in age the less likely that something will be “out of date” or “not cool” anymore.
Cons:
You will be out of work and therefore you may either not be receiving any additional financial support or you might be receiving a tiny amount of support. Either way, with the economy and prices in 2023 you may want to think about your finances before another baby.
Being Ready for Your Second Child
So this is perhaps the most important point to make. If you decide on having a second baby you can evaluate whether you are ready and whether this is the right time for you and your family. Of course, if you are blessed with a surprise you can and have the ability to do it! But, if like me you are planning then you need to be ready.
Pros:
You may be mentally ready, you’ve been planning this, and although you know it’s not going to be easy you know you can do it. That is at least what I am telling myself.
If you think about it, you are in baby mode, you have been changing diapers, wiping up spit-up, going through teething, etc. so you can handle it with another baby.
Cons:
Are you physically ready? That is, you’ve just had a baby and your body needs to recover! If you google the best gap to leave between your next baby, the answer is to wait at least 18 months. This advice comes from NHS and Mayo Clinic. I am not claiming to be a healthcare professional so please contact your GP and or health visitor for more information!
[Related: 39 Insanely Easy and Realistic Mom Self-Care Ideas]
This post was all about the pros and cons of deciding on a second child that is close in age to your first child. While there are more things to consider, these are just some of the pros and cons of deciding on a second child that I have considered.
Ultimately, it is your decision and you should contact your healthcare professional for advice!