This post is all about differing parenting values.
Differing Parenting Values by AGATA
So you became a parent and now it seems that everyone is an expert at being a parent. From friends and family to strangers and even non-parents providing you with unwanted parenting advice it may seem that your parenting choices are not good enough. After all, people think that their ideas are the best there are.
With so many different approaches and advice on how to raise children, it can be difficult to navigate our parenting world. Adding to this complexity is the advice we receive from our parents.
This blog post will explore tips and advice on how to deal with differing parenting values and how to be more comfortable parenting the way you want to do it.
Here are the tips on how to deal with differing parenting styles:
1. Understand Your Own Values
Many parents find themselves going against their own parents’ advice because they have different parenting styles. Going against the advice may be difficult for your parents to stomach as after all, they raised you. By doing something different we are essentially going against our own parent’s values and beliefs. This can be difficult to navigate and egos may be bruised in the process. Therefore, it is important to understand what you yourself value.
Take time to reflect on what is important to you as a parent. For example, what communication style would you like to strive for with your child? How would you like to discipline your child? Or what goals do you have as a parent?
Knowing your own values will help you parent the way you want to parent. Granted, how we want to parent may not necessarily be easy and may be different from how we actually end up parenting.
2. Communicate with Your Parents about Differing Parenting Values
Speak to your parents about what your parenting goals are. They may not like this conversation but it is important to have it. This is your baby’s and your parent’s opinion, while it may be valued, it may not align with your values. Try to find common ground where possible and make sure you show that you respect their opinion even though you may not agree with it.
Having this talk with my parents was difficult. Of course, I respect my parents, they raised me the way they thought was best. I understand that it might be difficult for them to see that I want to do something different but again it is my baby and the way my partner and I want to parent may differ from their parenting values.
3. Seek Support
Why not join a community or communities that have differing parenting values and styles? Having some support and advice from parents you want and would appreciate advice from can be empowering and motivating to try to carry on with your values.
Additionally, it may provide much-needed relief to know that you may not be the only one having difficulty following a certain parenting style.
4. Be Flexible about Differing Parenting Styles
The advice that you get from your parents may actually be useful. After all, they have raised you. Although I hate to admit it, there have been many times when my moms’ advice has proven to be more useful than I originally thought. While I do admit that some advice has been golden, I am a firm believer that unfortunately in life we have to make our own mistakes to learn from them. My mom has already parented me, she has already made mistakes and learned from them and now it is my turn.
Making mistakes is not bad, in fact, it is part of our human nature and we will make many mistakes in our lives. It’s not about the mistake we make, it’s about how we deal with it and what we do to fix this mistake that matters. For me, that meant swallowing my pride and admitting to my mom that she was right. Again, I am not saying that I am trying to raise my child completely differently than how my parents raised me. I am saying that my parenting style may slightly differ from my own parents’ parenting because my partner and I are different people than my parents and we have our unique individual differences which are factored in when parenting.
5. Trust Your Instincts
You know your child best. Yes, sometimes it may not feel like you know what is going on with your baby. But believe me, you do. Trust yourself a little more! Stand up for your parenting values and follow what you think is best! At the end of it all, everyone can give you advice, but you are the one that needs to implement it. And again, do not be afraid of making mistakes.
Overall, differing parenting styles can be a challenge, but it is important to know that you are not alone. By following the 5 tips listed above, you can find a way to follow your own parenting values while respecting others’ opinions.